12 Days to Go

I am sitting here on my parents couch in Bel Air, for one of the last times as a single gal of the Cochran name. While there have been many exciting things happening recently, I'm feeling a little melancholy. I feel like every time you get to an exciting new point in your grown up life, there's more anticipation to grow up and get older and do that thing you've never been able to do before, and that overpowers any sad or scared feelings hiding in back. Or maybe I'm just forgetting the sad and scared part, because what's the point in remembering that? The happy feeling at the end of the road is really all that matters.

Now I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea here - I have never been more happy, excited and 100% sure about anything in my entire life than getting married next week.

I think I am just really feeling the emotional weight of everything. And maybe it's hitting me a little harder than I expected because I'm an only child, and I feel like I'm leaving my parents, who truly are 2 of my best friends in life, with no one else around to annoy the crap out of them. (Although grandma can get feisty sometimes... )

The concept of "home" is a little confusing these days too. Bel Air has always been home. But now, none of my stuff is really there, and I have to sleep in the guest room because we took the bed. Day to day, the hotel of the week is where we call home. And while Hoboken is where all my stuff is, we haven't spent enough time there to really make it feel like home quite yet. Plus it wasn't any fun being there all by myself on Saturday night! (My cheerios weren't really interested in discussing what color we should paint the living room walls.)

I know things won't really be that different from how they are now, but there's something about it that's just getting to me. Maybe it's the anticipation of this day that has been building for 26 years, and more specifically the past year and a half. Or maybe I'm just not used to having this many emotions so close to the surface and randomly popping out in public places. And maybe stress and exhaustion are playing a tiny little part in all this too.

Ah well. Tomorrow is another day. If nothing else, typing this up made me feel better.

And I will finish this post off with the news that our fabulous new dining room table that I have been pining after for 2 years is being delivered tomorrow! I guess growing up isn't all bad :)